“Whom have I in heaven but You? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides You. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”
It’s been a while, hasn’t it? So long that I barely remember how to do this. So much has happened since I last posted on here, but here’s the gist of it: I’m 22 years old, engaged to be married in December, and set to graduate from college with a bachelor of arts in biblical counseling in a mere three weeks. Sounds great, right? I’m in the prime of my life, incredibly blessed with the sweetest man I’ve ever met, and almost out of college. But to be totally honest, I don’t know how I can finish.
“My flesh and my heart may fail” is definitely where I’m at right now. My health is scaring me, and I’m becoming concerned that the stress of college has ruined it. I owe more than I’d like to admit in student loans, and my love and I have a wedding to pay for and a life to plan. Right now, my flesh is certainly failing me, and my heart is overcome with worries for the future and a desperate desire to be anywhere but school.
I’ll be honest: I don’t have it all together. Spiritually, I’ve certainly been lacking. I’ve allowed the stresses and pressures of senior year to come before my relationship with the One Who loves me most. But I’ve come to the end of myself, and I readily admit that I cannot do this on my own. This last year of college, if nothing else, has proved to me again and again that my own strength is not enough to carry me through, and there is no earthly reason that I should be on the verge of a bachelor’s degree.
But fortunately, or I suppose providentially, Psalm 73:26 doesn’t end with my very body giving out on me. Asaph, the author, readily agrees that here on earth that’s a definite possibility, but he doesn’t stop there. “But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” But God. Isn’t that incredible? The God Who created everything, the timeless One Who has existed forever and will continue long after this body has finally and permanently quit on me, cares enough for me to allow me to lean on Him when I’m too weary to carry on. He not only allows, but invites me to rest with Him. He desires to be the strength of my heart. And it’s only through His mercy and grace that I am where I am.
The lesson He’s been pounding into my thick skull this year has absolutely nothing to do with psychology or economics or even counseling. While I have learned a lot this year, the lesson I’m just finally starting to understand is that I am so incredibly weak and fragile, no matter how strong I think that I am. But the good news of the gospel is that “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9).
By the grace of God, I’ll graduate in three weeks, and if He wills it, I’ll be getting married in eight months. But it’s not my strength that’s gotten me this far, and it’s not my strength that will get me to the end. “God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”